Wednesday, January 27, 2010
1. spend all your babysitting money on fancy booze ... then never open the bottles.. just look at them and wish you had the will to drink more
2. sit on a tiny stool (and by tiny i mean child size) in your kitchen to eat dinner..or really to do anything at all... read a book, bake cookies, devise evil plans of various sorts ... everything looks different when you are sitting on a tiny stool in the kitchen..even the inside of your own mind
3. sleep with your head a the foot of your bed.. htis tricks your sleeping brain into believing that while you slept.. you turned into someone else..so when you wake up you might be able to live a different life...yessssss!
4. never go home right after work... walk the streets aimlesslly, start making friends with the homeless lady that seemes to have a psychic connection with you and hang out with her... you will learn SO many things about growing multiple sets of teeth.. sewing up your gills so mean girls wont know you are a giant rat with gills and vampire teeth... and how to feed large animals to larger animals... this will calm you immensely in times of strife
5. walk 200 miles a day..quicky... so quickly that no one could ever catch up with you..even if you set out on said walk with soemone..it will remind you that we all travel alone...ALONE BITCHES!
6. post totally bonkers really depressing shit on the blog that you have been neglecting... that way all the people in NORWAY who google somthing weird to find your blog will know whats really up with americans...thy all want to eat a tiny sandwich that simulates a lobotomy !!!!!!