I am having a terrible time

this is what the inside of my own mind looks like...it's not pretty folks.. it's just not pretty

Horrible Bats!!!!!!!!!!

it's almost Halloween and today i went to a pumpkin patch...this is my favorite thing to do in life..i will tell you why...

Halloween is the only time of year where no one looks at you weird when you talk about how haunted your mind is... they think you are being "seasonal" or something...ha! little do they know i am totally fucking bonkers!!!!!!

Picking out my perfect pumpkin meshes my aesthetic obsessions with some real talk o.c.d.... the possibilities are endless.. you can wander around in a daze comparing and contrasting shape texture size color etc... and you get filthy ...so you need to wash your hands a billion times ..jack pot!!!!

so this pumpkin patch i went to had: emus, a lama, rams, goats chickens turkeys rabbits and a whole bunch of other stinky and sweet farm animals..including this nice cow named "drinky"! (click photo to enlarge)

i was in heaven! i bought a emu egg for $5 which i considered quite the bargain.... but the thing that really impressed me was these horrible bats.... H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E!

apparently this was inspirational to others because later i was told by a loved one (and i quote) "you have a bonfire behind both eyes and horrible bats in the attic" thanks jerk!

blog neglect makes the baby jesus cry

Crystal Lil and I are total human jerks! we never put out the nice dishes for company..we swear..she smokes...we see hookers on the regular.. and we NEVER EVER EVER blog anymore! well my little babies...that is all gunna change! i know i am always full of false promises...but!!!!! i am hoping to make good on this shit! yahhhhhhh! bog 'till i bleeeed! (but i am still not using any punctuation ...and fuck spell check! you can't get everything you want bitch!)

pretend he's the bad guy

discuss.

spank me Anthony Bourdain

have i ever mentioned to the internet how i want Anthony Bourdain to frazz the living hell out of me? Well i'm gunna tell you right now buster.... can we arrange a spanking please?
He HATES vegitarians so it might be a bit of a problem for me...but for real... i know i am among many many women who want to be brutally dominated by this silver haired fuck machiene... he is such a snarky bitch... i wanna piece y'all.

lifes little questions

here is one i have been pondering for a few days now:

is it a good idea to let you 62 year old bipolar mother go on a "road trip" by herself for 3 weeks in which she plans to quit smoking after 44 years and go on a gem hunting expedition? huh? is it?

She hasn't been camping in about 15 years... and she informed us that she feels kinda invincible right now... did i mention that she is 5 feet tall and weighs 105 pounds? needless to say i am losing my fucking mind.... the idea of her on a manic low wandering around in uncharted rocky terrain ...nic fitting ...and feeling alone on this planet is tooooo much. what the shit?

wednesday

you should have seen tuesday

I've been learning a lot about beauty lately

rumors confirmed:

EVERYTHING IS STUPID.... ON THIS EARTH

i am a lazy blog jerk

it is so hot and summery... i have been neglecting my blog duties.... but hold tight people of the blog world.... i have more asshole things to say.. but i have to go swimming first...