Monday, April 25, 2011
everything is everything is nothing so shut up
i have been laying in bed a lot lately...for a lot of different reasons...some sweet some sad but a lot because i've been sick for almost 2 months.
i woke up this morning and realized that i have just been a shell of myself.... so useless and energy-less... i feel like i have a layer of ice and feathers and rocks and marshmallows covering my brain and body...i am starting to get freaked
a lot of things have been happening fast around me but i have yet to catch up...because i spend most of my time blowing my nose! How can you climb a tree , do witchcraft, bake someone you love a pie, write a letter, read a book, go on an adventure, plant a garden, tame a wild cat, visit your mother or be interesting at all when you feel like your blood is poison?
this is why i am trying to hatch a plan to get well now ..like today..like RIGHT NOW.. because i have so much to do. I have to fall in love with the living world again...and i need to do it NOW! i came up with something in my sleep that involves a fist full of money, a midnight airplane ride and a bowl of figs and honey... aaaand a night time walk over the best bridge my eyes have ever known...i think it might work!
when i walked outside the other morning the sweetest someone said to me "do you smell that? it smells like spring" i couldn't...i couldn't breathe...and spring is my favorite time to be alive... i want to smell the air and hold hands and pick flowers from other peoples yard (but just 1..i'm not a glutton you jerk), i want to clean my fucking house and then i want to eat a carrot and listen to one hundred records... i want all the good things in the whole world but i especially want to wake up feeling real in my bones...crossing all fingers. wish me luck