Monday, April 25, 2011

everything is everything is nothing so shut up

i have been laying in bed a lot lately...for a lot of different reasons...some sweet some sad but a lot because i've been sick for almost 2 months.

i woke up this morning and realized that i have just been a shell of myself.... so useless and energy-less... i feel like i have a layer of ice and feathers and rocks and marshmallows covering my brain and body...i am starting to get freaked

a lot of things have been happening fast around me but i have yet to catch up...because i spend most of my time blowing my nose! How can you climb a tree , do witchcraft, bake someone you love a pie, write a letter, read a book, go on an adventure, plant a garden, tame a wild cat, visit your mother or be interesting at all when you feel like your blood is poison?


this is why i am trying to hatch a plan to get well now RIGHT NOW.. because i have so much to do. I have to fall in love with the living world again...and i need to do it NOW! i came up with something in my sleep that involves a fist full of money, a midnight airplane ride and a bowl of figs and honey... aaaand a night time walk over the best bridge my eyes have ever known...i think it might work!

when i walked outside the other morning the sweetest someone said to me "do you smell that? it smells like spring" i couldn't...i couldn't breathe...and spring is my favorite time to be alive... i want to smell the air and hold hands and pick flowers from other peoples yard (but just 1..i'm not a glutton you jerk), i want to clean my fucking house and then i want to eat a carrot and listen to one hundred records... i want all the good things in the whole world but i especially want to wake up feeling real in my bones...crossing all fingers. wish me luck


morrisey said...

hope you will be alright soon :)
which bridge - i'm very curious.
Oh and here's some help to make you feel better, that always helps me:

The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet...

take care ;)

Friends Forever said...

this is so sweet...thank you!
the williamsburg bridge is on of my favorite places on this crazy earth...i have spend my favorite quiet moments on that bridge and when i feel squished by my mind that is where i want to go...i was planning a great escape and a sweet kidnap to get to this bridge....not sure the kidnap will happen but i'm about to fly solo....every day is a fresh start!