Friday, June 12, 2009

i had a lesbian midwife who gave birf to my mother

in the same vein as Crstal Lils posts about confusing movie star crushes...i have a confusing real life crush..well not a crush per se...

so a few days ago i was having dinner with a pal at this Thai restaurant that is known across the land for their abundance  of roaches.. aaaand  their delicious peanut sauce...but really folks.this peanut sauce is so fucking good i would eat it even if it had one thousand shrunken heads floating in it....oh.my.shit. 

  the place is really tiny and people are bonkers for the stuff so their is always a huge ass  line outside..they want you in and out quick so they have all kinds of ways to get you to leave.. a few years ago i was dining with a friend but we stuffed our tiny mouths soooo quickly and split because they were playing the same 5 guns and roses songs at a mega decibels... I don't care what you say.. NO ONE really likes G&R. you might say you do..but how often do you bust out your use your illusions 2 cassette and say "i have really been wanting to hear "my world" for.. like... ever" you don't. it never happens. you don't have to lie to kick it.

 aaanyhooo... so i 2 days ago i am sitting at the counter eating copious amounts of delectable Thai food and it's all loud and shit as usual and i'm telling my friend that i like the looks of the dude waiter ... ok..this part is totally normal because i am an asshole perv and i am always objectifying men and treating them like the man meat that they are....the unusual part is he looks nothing like the boys i usually wanna hot tongue... this dude had like- earrings or something. and long hair and he was all manly and tall and thai...and ...well..i don't really know what the deal was...but (again..being a total female pig) i had to talk openly about it..and it's usually so loud i could get away with it...buuuut... just  as i said "it's  weird... but i totally want to have gay sex with our waiter"  the room went silent and my voice echoed well into the next county.... where was axel rose when i needed him???..probably getting his corn rows done.... i was kinda embarrassed but mostly confused..what the fuck did i mean by that? can someone explain my own mind to me? please!? it made so much sense at the time.....
oh...and as a side note..in 6th grade i wanted to get real personal with the kid in the "jeremy" video... i know he's no peter venkman ... but.....

8 comments:

Crystal Lil said...

I have never wanted to bone a dude wears earrings. Not ever, in my life. So....suck it?

Crystal Lil said...

I'm trying to figure out a recipe for turmeric satay sauce...think about it

friends forever or until i give up humans all together. said...

i can never have that sauce because what kind of satay could i have? broccoli. you are one sick bitch.

friends forever or until i give up humans all together. said...

but really.... i will help you with your sauce problems anyway. because we are friends like that

Crystal Lil said...

you put it on tofu and noodles, you carpet-muncher!

friends forever or until i give up humans all together. said...

i much carpets for sport

Hank Cameron Ewing said...

What is with that place and how can I, miss picky eater, willingly go there when I've:
1. Seen a cockroach crawling up the wall as I waited for my food
and almost worse...
2. Watched as the dishwasher finished food and drinks from customer's plates, then dunked them in a sink of dirty water, only to pile them quickly in the "clean" pile, where a server grabbed the dish and put the next tasty meal into it.
Now, aside from watching for the health code violations, I will watch for hot thai men with earrings. It will be a good distraction until the tasty curry gets to the table.

friends forever or until i give up humans all together. said...

i like it when they sweat in my food. it's a very special flavor.