Thursday, June 25, 2009

i sold my ex-boyfriends shoes because he has a really bad attitude

so i used to live with this dude..who was my boyfriend...and who wasn't the coolest person to spend time with.... he was the kind of guy who would wake up scowling and foaming at the mouth with bad vibes..and as the day went on he just got worse...i would always bring him donuts(cuz he loved them..and i would try to cheer him up) and he would grab them out of my hand and ask me to go away.... as i'm typing this i am thinking to myself "be nice....don't talk too much shit" but fuck it! this is my blog motherfuckers and i am the boss of my own mind! 

o.k here is some dirt: literally minutes after getting personal with each other for the first time..he turned to me and said "i'm totally in love with this girl _______, she is so awesome..she is really smart and pretty and funny" AND I LET HIM LIVE! i didn't kick him out of my bed or kill his face..i listened to him lament about it for a grueling half hour!  I was really young and in a phase of my life where i thought i could win over the hearts of all grouchy people with my pie baking skills..patience...and love for fugazi

this boy had NO MANNERS! he chewed with his mouth open, made me sleep on the floor while he took the bed, had me take the bus home from his house which took over an hour (15 minutes by car) he could sleep in for 15 extra minutes... he doesn't say thank you or help ladies carry heavy boxes...he is rude..and he is SOOOOO not cute or talented enough to be rude like know what i mean? 
anyway ....when we called it quits he left a shit-ton of his crappy crap in my house..for me to deal with (typical) some of the stuff he wanted...some of it he didn't... so after calling him to have him pick up his smelly rude shit..and he didn't show....i lost it... i decided to sell his stuff in front of the shop i run...and buy myself something pretty with
 the profits....but..i hatched this evil plan instead....
this dude named Slats lives in my neighborhood. He is a icon of heroine... punk and hairdoooos. he swaggers and falls asleep all over town with a cigarette delicately dangling between his aging lips keeping the drool company...... you can tell by his 3 t-shirts that he loves the NY dolls, ramones and well..the ramones. I love him..he has been a customer of my shop for over a decade and i never really feel at home unless i see him weekly...but... he is quite a sight..

so back to my "asshole sale".... slats comes up to the table and starts looking at the dudes shoes i have for sale..lucky day! they wear the same size!! how much are they you ask dear Slats! all 4 pairs for a nickle! unbelievable! yes! all of them!!! please take is a bag..enjoy!
so for the next year or so..every time i saw slats i would look down and see jerky ex boyfriends shoes supporting the arches of Seattle's most loved junkie!    best.yard sale.ever!  
p.s more slats stories to come!


Crystal Lil said...

" I was really young and in a phase of my life where i thought i could win over the hearts of all grouchy people with my pie baking skills..patience...and love for fugazi"

oh no, that's a phase???

when do I grow out of it??

Crystal Lil said...

oh yeah you forgot the really excellent p.s. to that story...


friends forever or until i give up humans all together. said...

AND IT WORKED!!!!!!!!!!!

we are really good at witchcraft.....